The musical mouth

Why is it that while driving into the city for a night out, Parkway Drive, I Killed the Prom Queen and Guns n’ Roses are the best for everyone to do mouth solos with?
Fascinating.

Theories

Gravity, Magnetism, Time, Space.

All amazing ‘rules and laws’ by which we live and are governed.
Theories about big issues like:
Where did we come from?
Where are we going?
How does this all work?
Theories have come and gone to answer this all and each as believable as the last.

My theory on how the earth runs is simple and also, no less ridiculous and disprovable than the others.

Two. Gigantic. Chicken Parmigianas. Slowly moving in the earth’s core. The friction between them making heat and other energies. Small bumps in the bolognaise sauce cause earthquakes and tremors.
What we believe to be lava, is really just the sauce and cheese bubbling to the earth’s surface. No one can check it because its too hot to taste.

Compass

Ian – “We’re like, North and True North. Different, but both heading in the right direction.”
Doug – “It’s just a shame we drift further apart every 4 years”

Blue Cake

The 90′s were fresh on the calender, the Cold War was in full swing and I was celebrating my 2nd birthday. Of course, as any sane and fantastic 2 year old, I wanted to be a train driver when I grew up.

The cake was a Blue Thomas the Tank Engine themed cake. All Blue.
It was scrumptious.

Little did my bowels know the amazing phenomenon that was to come the following day.

I went to the toilet and had a jolly good poop. I stand and pull up my trousers only to have my peripherals caught by something dazzling.

There in the bowl was a modestly sized navy blue poopy.

Maywod Road

Lifting the lid to the yellow and green school yard wheelie bin, my eyes found what any 10 year old would consider an great opportunity: a unopened carton of chocolate milk. When I reached in and removed it from the waste receptacle, I could feel it was still quite cold and somewhat covered in clean condensation.

I thought it still looked quite appealing.

So I sold it to my friend on the basketball court for $3.10 and went to the canteen to buy myself a new carton with my friend’s cash.

I am NOT drinking milk from a bin.

I’ve Never Been To Hastings…

Because I’d forgotten to pack a tent, I had folded down the seats in my car and opened the back compartment that led to the trunk. When I lay on an angle my whole body fit nicely between my bags, and with the warm summer nights I could even sleep with the doors open!

In the morning I emerged from the sweltering car to see my colleague also suffering from the heat: inside his tent with the flaps open to the air. Penis erect and oblivious to the people walking past and staring as they purposefully bypassed our camp site on their way to brush their teeth.